I'm now 24 and nothing that I've planned since I was a child has happened academically-wise. It seems like no matter how much effort I put in, it won't be worth it because in the end, I always get what I don't deserve and always end up expecting for nothing. It has always been that way.
Although I am not a coward type of person, I am however, a pessimist. I always been have low self-esteem and self-confidence. I don't trust myself and I don't trust that circumstances would go my way. I always needed a support because I don't trust myself that I can do it. I easily get frustrated and lose my patience and end up wanting to quit.
Well, I actually feel coward now that I feel that nothing is going right. I am now hating myself for not being good enough.
Well, I actually feel coward now that I feel that nothing is going right. I am now hating myself for not being good enough.
So right now, I am currently too sad and crying out of frustration and pressure from my CD exam. I've been doing the exam for already 11 days which is too long already! I am too scared to fail because a lot of time and effort have been put on it.
I just want to graduate already and feel that finally after all these hardworks academically-wise in my life all will be worth it and pay off. This feeling of being stuck is just so sad knowing that you can be good if you had the chance to be put into other life situations. I wonder how many more tears would it take for me until I graduate.
I am posting this not because I am sad with my life but because i know someday things will be the opposite of my condition now. And when that happens, every struggle will just be a memory I can look back on and know that without these struggles I wouldn't be that person.
